I just took a shower and a question came to me.
A few moments ago, while finally creating this blog and selecting a name and theme, etc… was I subconsciously making those choices based on the recent weather in Kingston, JA? (It’s been raining almost everyday, sometimes almost all day. And when it doesn’t, it remains overcast. Like bruh. Mr. Sun, where are you fam?)
And I don’t dislike rain. I like it actually. But I prefer to enjoy it while locked up indoors, like the lazy house hamster that I am (not “house rat”, because hamsters are cute to me and rats are not). Yeah, so no, not continuous rain while I have to be going to classes and dodging mucky puddles on campus and obsessing over whether my expensive umbrella (a rip-off from the university bookstore really) is with me at all times (someone stole the other one and it was traumatic for me, okay?) And you know, I’m actually okay with my feet getting wet. That doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers most. I’m not even concerned about getting sick. Yes, I use an umbrella, but I’m kind of sick all the time anyways. Praise Jesus for the rare occasions when I’m genuinely breathing through unblocked nasal passages. But I think, most of all, what I don’t like about consistent rain is its effect on the laundry. Yessss the lauuuundryyyyy, ughhhhhh. I put that off even while it’s sunny 24/7… (okay sunshine 24/7 doesn’t make any sense but you get what I mean) SOOO I don’t need another obstacle. I am not about paying for that expensive washer/dryer fee, so I use my hands and have to beg God to hold up the rain so di piece a clothes dem can dry within one 24-hour period.
I’m rambling. But that’s what this blog is for anyways.
But yes, the point is that maybe the recent weather has influenced the name of the blog, “Amid the Thunder”. It can be literal, but mostly it’s not. I thought for a good while about what to name it. I’m really into puns so I was going to go with “Sih Breeze” (like “sea breeze” but instead using the first 3 letters of my name. Clever, right? 😀 Right? No?) But I decided to use Amid the Thunder (Thunder and Tea) instead, because frankly… there is a lot of thunder in my life.
External rumbling, and internal rumbling…
And what I’ve been spending a lot of my energy on is how to live with that thunder. Sometimes I thunder back (cue booming personality). And sometimes I sink into myself. And I like both responses. You see, I want to learn how to address the noise, which can be both frightening and amusing. Sometimes thunder startles me, and my heart races for a few seconds. Sometimes thunder makes me chuckle, especially when I see others’ reaction to it. Sometimes it’s terrifying and accompanied by quaking and howling, and so, I always try to maintain a space. A space where I’m sitting and having metaphorical tea… while calm… and surrounded by thunder.
There’s too much going on up there – murmuring, thundering, echoes and whistling wind. That’s probably why I perform routine tasks so slowly. Because they don’t sufficiently capture my mind’s attention, and I’m therefore given too much opportunity to be conscious of the racket upstairs. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting lost in my head – that’s where I learn a lot about myself. But sometimes what’s there is unpleasant to acknowledge, and it hinders me from being… present.
So this is where I sit with that tea I mentioned. It’s a way to remain “sane”. It’s a way to regain control of what I do have control over. So I envelop the mug with both hands and I close my eyes. I feel the warmth in my palms. I lift it to my lips, and slowly, I sip. Warm serenity spreads to my head, to my chest, to my abdomen, to my feet.
And then I feel okay in the moment.
You can have some too. Do you like mint? Fevergrass? Cerasee? Ginger? With sugar, or milk, or nothing?
Because this is what I do about the thunder, since there’s no way to eliminate the thunder itself (and I wouldn’t want to). Whether I entertain it, address it, or dismiss it -this thing that reminds me I’m sentient and existing – is my choice in each moment. I say all this mainly to sort through my mind. And you can observe me shuffle through it if you’d like, peeling off layers, and turning pages, trying to erase ink stains, … or whatever.
I mean, I’m really only talking to myself anyways. I’m just here thinking… to no-one in particular.
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